We recently received an anonymous message regarding grieving a dog’s sudden death, and it is heartbreaking. I’ve put the anon and the response under a cut out of consideration for people who might not want to (or be able to) read about such things. If anyone cannot access the Keep Reading for whatever reason, please message us off anon and I will copy-paste the answer to you.
Thanks for understanding!
-C
ANON SAID I tried googling this but I didn’t get much, I lost my dog in January. He passed away unexpectly and it’s killing me. When I put down my first dog when I was sixteen I was ok with it. I held him while he fell asleep and I cried. I mourned with him. With Elvis, i woke up and he was stiff. I didn’t hold him and calm him while he passed. I feel like I failed him. I’m stuck. I can’t heal, I don’t know how to. Any advice would be very much appreciated.
Hi anon, I’m so sorry for your loss.
First, and this might not be much comfort, but Elvis did not suffer and was not scared when he passed. He simply fell asleep near one of his favourite humans ever and did not wake up. He was very likely not agitated, or worried. He was probably very calm, and asleep, and dreaming about how much he loved his people and his bed and maybe how much he loved bacon, or whatever it is that dogs dream about. Your emotions are valid, but you don’t have to feel bad about not being there to comfort him. It is very likely that your presence at home was comfort enough.
Second, people are going to tell you to get over it, because Elvis was a dog and not a person. Those people are dicks. You are allowed to mourn. You’re allowed to be sad, and feel like a part of your heart is missing – it is. You don’t have to heal according to anyone’s timeline, so go ahead and take your time.
Here are some links about coping with sudden death or traumatic loss. There are tons more resources for dealing with grief – use whichever resources benefit you. You don’t have to limit yourself to only articles dealing with pet loss; please feel free to grieve however helps you.
After my first dog passed, I found it very helpful to write down the best memories in a little sketchbook. Like any of the happy memories – that time as a puppy she dug a hole so deep she couldn’t jump out and cried for hours until one of the neighbours rescued her; that time a skunk walked by, sprayed but missed, and she rolled in the skunk spray so my dad had to give her a bath in the garage at 11pm. I put some of my favourite pictures of her in the book as well, and it helps ease the loss a little bit. I read somewhere once that something still exists as long as there’s someone around to remember it and that thought comforts me when it comes to losing people (or animals) that I love.
Hang in there anon, the dogblr community is here for you if you need to talk
-C